(This is the second of two messages about the need to be resilient in daily life.)
In my last note, I discussed how my family has been bombarded with major change recently, and how well (or not) I’ve been rolling with the punches.
I know I’m not alone. We all have to deal with big and little disruptions in life. But the important question is this: How can we best deal with the unexpected changes that cause mild irritation – as well as profound pain? 
I’d like to make the case for living like a “shock absorber” – actually processing hurt, pain, evil and suffering until its neutralized – rather than deflecting it on those around us.
Sounds good in theory. But how is this possible?
CHOOSE TO BE BALANCED – SWIM LIKE THE FISHES!
I remember learning about fish that live deep in the ocean. They survive pressure levels that would crush a human being. What’s their secret? Actually, nature has provided them with an internal pressure equal to the water pressure of the surrounding ocean. Their strength comes inherently from within their bodies, so they can withstand extreme external pressure.
Neat trick, huh? But how can we land-locked folk make that concept work for us? Here are 4 techniques to try:
- Just Breathe
When I get stressed (as I have been lately), I take long, slow, deep breaths – as if I am somehow balancing opposing internal and external forces. I bring in air to “equalize” the pressure inside with the stress around me. It’s really just a psychological ploy, because of course I’m not really “pressurizing” myself. But it does change my focus – if only for a few moments. That’s often long enough to have a lasting effect.
- Aim Higher
I also think of a Higher Power that gives me strength to withstand whatever psychic pain I may be experiencing. This is the REAL internal strength – the offsetting pressure inside that helps me deal with the pressure outside. The quickest way I connect with that power is through prayer. It doesn’t have to be formal, and it doesn’t have to be words. Sometimes, it comes in the form of hymns or other music. But that connection with a life force larger than me elevates me to a level beyond pain.
- Go Grateful
Lastly, I try to remind myself of anything in my life for which I’m thankful. Small or large – doesn’t matter. Gratitude literally changes attitude. Our minds cannot be both positive and negative at the same time – it will only experience one or the other. So we actually can choose which one we experience.
- Plan B – Ask Forgiveness
Of course, these responses aren’t automatic, and I haven’t perfected it all yet myself. (As I said, I’m only human.) Often, I don’t do this fast enough, and I say or do things to people in pain and anger. Then, my best option is to go back later and apologize. It’s all still a work in progress. But when I remember to take these steps, I experience more calmness, more peace – and I keep the negative energy from bouncing off me and hurting others.
PROOF OF CONCEPT – MANAGING PHYSICAL PAIN
As I mentioned in a previous post, my mother is in the hospital, recovering from hip surgery. Last night, she was in intense pain, waiting for the nurse to bring more morphine.
I suggested she think of her favorite beach, and count the seagulls. Then count the children playing, and picture the color of the sky and sea. I urged her to take a mental walk along this beach and find seashells. As I helped her paint this mental picture, her mind moved away from the pain and focused on the pleasant images she had created in her mind. (As I said, our mind can only focus on one thing at a time!)
By the time the nurse arrived with morphine my mother was calm – almost smiling. So imagine, if these techniques work for excruciating physical pain, they surely can help us manage emotional and spiritual discomfort, as well.
PUTTING PAIN INTO PERSPECTIVE
What does this have to do with making plans, or accomplishing goals? Well, I obviously have to learn to accept the internal pain that comes when my plans are changed by unforeseen negative circumstances! But I always have a choice about how I’ll react.
I can choose to get angry and let my negative energy harm others around me. Or I can choose to be a “shock absorber” and focus on being positive.
I can hold it all in and eventually “blow” when my circuits eventually overload. Or I can breathe, say a quick prayer, and find something to be thankful for to balance the external negative with an internal positive.
I’m not saying these techniques make life easy. They don’t. Furthermore life’s not “easy” for anyone. We all face some kind of suffering or pain we didn’t ask for. No one is immune. It’s a fundamental part of the human condition.
But suffering brings us choices. And those choices are always our own. Choose wisely.
Jeff
